I hate Q!

Startled from my weekend slumber, I found myself in a bit of a quandary. How is it that the letter Q is so easy to say, but so hard to use in a word? This is the question I pondered.
You would suspect that a one syllable letter would be more useful in the English language. Think again my friend!!
For your viewing pleasures, I have compiled a list of reasons why I hate Q.

1. 99.9% of words that include the letter Q also reQuire a letter U. Q can't just go it alone. In my repertoire, one of the few Q words that does not include a U is "Qi." To be fair, I only know the word Qi because it works in Words with Friends.
2. Capital Q looks like an unfinished gender symbol. I think Prince once considered changing his name to Q, but thought better of it.
3. And what about cursive capital Q?!?!. It looks like the number two. What are you, damn Q, a number or a letter?!? (See Image)
4. Even little Q is just a little G wanna be.
5. Q is responsible for the pop Quiz.
6. My last speeding ticket was thanks, in part, to the police Quota.
7. Plain and simply, Q is a QUITTER!!!!

Cursive Q or Number 2 ?!?

 I suppose it's not all bad. There are a few things, throughout history, that Q has done to earn a place in the alphabet. Q is royalty.....and in more ways than one.

1. In literal terms, Q is the Queen, ruling all the land.
2. Q is also Rock 'n' Roll royalty: The Sex Pistols offered "God Save the Queen" and the band "Queen" not only brought you classics, such as; "Fat Bottom Girls" and "We Will Rock You," but also made it OK for hairy chested men to wear a unitard on stage.
3. Thanks to the word Quotation, Q has it's own "hand signal." Often "air Quotes" are used by the Quick-witted and Quirky blog author....and even made an "appearance" in an episode of "Friends."
4. Quoth the Raven Nevermore.

Perhaps I shoUld rethink my initial statement. I wonder if U is what is dragging Q down. U is a leach of a letter. My reasons are as follows (I am too Upset to even nUmber them):

• U opens Umbrellas in the hoUse.
• U will try to hook Up with yoUr girlfriend of foUr years. 
• U knows how mUch wood a wood chUck woUld chUck if a wood chUck coUld chUck wood.
• U pUkes all over yoUr new PUmas after an UnsUccessfUl attempt to defeat the 72 oUncer.
• U borrows your trUck to move a coUch and brings it back with no fUel, reaking of bUrrito farts.
• U gets drUnk and spends time in the coUnty lock Up after being haUled in for pUblic Urination.
• U Uses the last of the Charmin Ultra toilet paper (with aloe) and leaves the empty tUbe.
• U doesn't flUsh.
• U passed oUt in yoUr bath tUb wearing yoUr Incredible HUlk Underpants as a shower cap.
• U wakes Up, sratches his bUtt, bUrps, brUshes his mUllet, then eats all of the LUcky Charms.....they're magically delicioUs.
• U doesn't give a flying FU&#!!!!
• U knocked Up yoUr yoUnger sister, then makes yoU an Usher at their shotgUn wedding. 
• U now carves the Thanksgiving tUrkey at yoUr parents hoUse.
• When yoUr mother tUrns her back, U gives you a pUrple nUrple then pokes yoU in the gUt like the PillsbUry DoUghboy.
• YoU are the one who gets in troUble after letting loose a string of cUss words that woUld make Larry Flint blUsh. 
• Later, U gradUates SUma CUm LaUde from NYU and cUrrently is the Director of SUper Bowl PUblicity for BUdweiser. U drives a JagUar.
• U didn't even offer yoU tickets to the game.
• U is Unapologetic, 
• Despite it all, yoUr mother still woUld like yoU to be more like U.

Upon further review, Q is not the one to hate after all....I HATE U!!!!


NOTE: This is the kind of crap I wake up thinking about after my four year old nephew makes me watch Leap Frog Alphabet DVDs.


Copyright J.C. Gardiner 8/22/2012
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