"5 Guys Burgers and Fries = YUMMY....best burger I have had in a while and not all that bad of a price. Following are some proposed name changes for the franchise should I ever execute a hostile takeover (complete with explanations)"
- We leave the "open" sign on, but the restaurant has the appearance of nobody being home. = "5 Guys Burgers......SURPRISE"
- In order to cut costs for my shareholders I trima few employess and make the remaining ones work harder "3 Guys Burgers and Fries"
- Everyone dresses like Orville Redenbacher = " 5 Guys Burgers Bow Ties"
- Hire a guy that weighed 400 lbs and is now skinny....sell 12 inch product for $5 = "Subway"
- Every day I wear a new costume to work (this is my favorite one so far) = "Jeff in Disguise Burgers and Fries"
- The setting is a deserted island. All the employees are British schoolboys trying to govern themselves. = "Lord of the Flies Burgers and Fries"
- 40 something women dressed in little black dresses hit on you as you walk in. = "5 Guys Cougars and Fries"
- I'm Tall, I'm Skinny, I'm Rich, I LOVE John and Kate Plus 8 , and I hate the NFL = "5 Lies Burgers and Fries"
- A nice hot meal PLUS conjunctivitis = "Pink Eye Burgers and Fries"
- Staff dresses and talks like Peter Griffin = "Family Guy Burgers and Fries"
- Buy a burger OR we ruin the ending to the Sixth Sense for you. "Bruce Willis Dies Burgers and Fries"
- More literal version = "Half of Ten Male Human Beings Compressed Grilled Sirloin Patties In Conjunction With Thinly Sliced Idaho Potatoes Deep Fried in Peanut Oil"
- All new restaurants are opened INSIDE existing Staples stores = "Office Supplies Burgers and Fries"
- Inquisitive shoe salesmen serve your food = "What's Your SIze? Burgers and Fries"
- Excited Matt Thompson (You'll have to know him to get this) greets you at the entrance = "GUYS GUYS GUYS Burgers and Fries"
- Work out video distributed with each value meal = "Buns and Thighs Burgers and Fries"
- Historic WWI document wallpaper on all walls = "Treaty of Versailles Burgers and Fries"
- Bad toilet paper in all restroom stalls = "Single Ply Burgers and Fries"
- How about a place where you can work out after eating their food: Jazzercize BUrgers and Fries. (Rob Gardiner)
- Or a place that only sells patriotic sandwiches celebrating the country's birthday: 4th of July's Burgers and Fries. (Rob Gardiner)
- The place is run by the kids that were always picked on in grade school by the bullies: Four-Eyes Burgers and Fries (Rob Gardiner)
- How about a joint where the waitresses are nude women in their 80's or 90's; Owww My Eyes Burgers and Fries.(Dan Pelstring)
- What if Heywood owned a franchise? "Lookin' at the world through flies eyes burgers and fries" (Ryan Grimes)
- A restaurant owned by Sammy Davis Jr, Sandy Duncan, and Stuart Scott, "Glass Eyes Burgers and Fries" (Brett Herald)
- What if Moe and Larry owned it? Would it then be "Wise Guys Burgers and Fries"? (Ryan Grimes)
- What if a couple of McDonald's characters took over? It could then be "Fry Guy's Hamburgelers and Fries". (Ryan Grimes)
- One classic song on repeat, bu thte name of the place changes with the lyrics. = "Gold Old Boys Drinking Whiskey and Rye Burgers and Fries" OR "Drove my Chevy to the Levee but the Levee Was Dry Burgers and Fries" OR "This'll be the Day that I Die Burgers and Fries" etc etc etc
- Bob Marley version of the same as above. "No Woman No Cry Burgers and Fries"
- Everyone dresses as Star Trek characters (and nobody brings a date) = "Sci-Fi Burgers and Fries"
- All the employees like to get it on with men and women "We're all bi- burgers and fries" (Ryan Grimes)
- Patrons get to try to kick an oblong ball through yellow posts (except Shane Graham's would get BLOCKED) = "Point After Try Burgers and Fries"
- Wizard of Oz Characters wait on you = "Lions and Tigers and Bears OH MY Burgers and Fries"
- T.O. waits on you during an interview - "He cries over burgers and fries" (Ryan Grimes)
- To place your order you must take the witness stand and swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God = "Testify Burgers and Fries"
- All the waiters are olympic springboarders - "Dive guys burgers and fries" (Ryan Grimes)
- The staff has an allergic reaction - "Guys with hives burgers and fries" (Ryan Grimes)
- Sean Penn, Judge Reinhold and a topless Phoebe Cates comprise the staff = "Fast Times at Ridgemont High Burgers and Fries"
- Nosey neighbors ask too many questions about your food selection, but pretend like they are just making conversation rather than trying to get all up in your business = "I Don't Mean to Pry Burgers and Fries"
- The Bengals play the Eagles there every day - "It ends in a tie burgers and fries" (Ryan Grimes)
- Everyone is stoned and wearing very colorful self designed shirts = "Tie Die Burgers and Fries"
- Somehow a certain relative of mine ends up in the wrong section of the restuarant looking at movies of an adult nature = "Guy on Guy Burgers and Fries"
- Nancy Kerrigan stands at the front door and gets hit in the leg every day -- "WHY, WHY, WHY, burgers and fries" (Ryan Grimes)
- The cast of Grease owns the resturant - "Hand Jive Guys burgers and fries" (Ryan Grimes)
- Gloria Gaynor opens her own branch - "I will survive burgers and fries" (Ryan Grimes)
- Dissapointed Italian/Jewish/Hispanic mother walk around shaking their head at their disrupting children = "Aye aye aye Burgers and Fries"
- Pot becomes legal only in the resturant - "High guys burgers and fries" (Ryan Grimes)
- Staff hits your food too you with a golf club and you have to eat it no matter where it lands = "Eat Your Food Where it Lies Burgers and Fries"
- When you order your food you get an automated response telling you we will be out of the restuarant until Monday and will not have access to orders or voicemail = "Out of Office Reply Burgers and Fries"
- Eddie Murphy, Adam Sandler, Dana Carvey, and Dan Akroyd buy a franchise = "Former Saturday Night Live Guys Burgers and Fries"
- Before ordering your food you have to play either Beer Pong or Flip Cup with the victorious guy/girl/group eating at the others expense = "Loser Buys Burgers and Fries"
- Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett open a shop using their enemies as the food = "Meat Pies Burgers and Fries"
- Merger with Panda Express = "Stir Fry Burgers and Fries"
- Crappy one hit wonder'80's band Kajagoogoo performs live since they can't find other work = "Too Shy Shy Hush Hush Eye to Eye Burgers and Fries"
- Bill Clintone opens a franchise with Monica Lewinsky: Ex-President Denies Burgers and Fries. (Rob Gardiner)
- Jeff, Ryan and their best friend open a franchise: "You're Z Butt Fried Burgers and Fries". (Rob Gardiner)
- Two NFL QB Brother's go in to business:"Peyton and Eli's Burgers and Fries" (Rob Gardiner)
- Star Wars aficionados start the business: "Return of the Jedi's Burgers and Fries". (Rob Gardiner)
- The creepy kid from Children of the Corn owns a shop: "Malachai's Burgers and Fries" (Rob Gardiner)
- All of the waitreses dress like my Aunt Marie: "Knee Highs Burgers and Fries" (Rob Gardiner)
- Playing cards with grandma (who cheated) = "Shanghai Burgers and Fries."
- 80's hair band takes over the place = "Once Bitten Twice Shy Burgers and Fries" Once Bitten Twice Shy
Copyright J.C. Gardiner 1/18/2012
backwardsjeff@gmail.com
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