Looking back at my childhood, I find this is peculiar, especially considering that I grew up less that a block away from, and played in, a 19th Century cemetery. In fact, many of the "residents" of the old bone yard carried the same surname as this blogger....minus the "i" present with my own. I even recall the creepiest of all epitaphs from one of the gravestones:
Still sort of gives me the willies, but I digress.Remember friends as you pass by,As you are now, so once was I,As I am now, so you must be,Prepare for death and follow me.
Halloween was always something I looked forward to. It was a time to pretend to be someone, or something, that we were not. It was a time to eat candy 'til we puked and not get into trouble. It was a time to be creative and enjoy the creativity of others.
I was always involved in some sort of Halloween shenanigans. My Boy Scout Troop (Troop # 23, Bromley, KY) put on a Haunted House fundraiser for several years. Last year I helped organize a murder mystery dinner at Bobby Mackey's for a non-profit group I worked with. Even Dawn and I were exchanged nuptials with a Halloween theme five years ago (maybe one day I will post pictures for all the blogisphere to see).
The last few years have been a total disappointment, to say the least. We live on a busy road in a fairly healthy and safe community, yet despite this fact, trick-or-treaters are scarce. It almost isn't worth the effort to decorate or give out candy. The children who are brave enough to venture out have lost all sense of creativity. In my humble opinion, wearing your favorite NBA player's jersey and shoes does not a costume make.
And don't EVEN get me started on cabbage night - perhaps otherwise known to some as Mischief Night, Devil's Night, Hell Night, Cabbage Night, Gate Night, Mizzy Night, Miggy Night, Goosing Night, and Egg Nyte. I doubt that anyone younger than 25 even knows that that means....without searching it on google or urbandictionary.com that is. When I was a tween - even before the word "tween" was invented - it was seen as a right of passage to the city limits with a bar of soap writing dirty words and drawing phallic shaped objects on the motor vehicles of my neighbors....some of whom would hide in the dark with a hose and unleash their own cabbage night entertainment on would be ne'er-do-wells.
My theory is that the kids today are too lazy to get out of the house. Sure, part of this is my generation's fault. Perhaps even the media is to blame. I think that we have become so paranoid with the predatory serial (not to be confused with "cereal" which is part of a well balanced breakfast) killers, that we barely let our kids fart without dialing 911. For their part, the kids seem all too happy with this fact, provided that will fill their faces with i-pods and facebook and text messages and all of the other assorted gadgets and social nonsense (I say that as if blogspot isn't just as bad).
This year, Dawn and I decided at the last minute to buy candy. Rather than handing it out, though, we stuck it in three bowls on the porch with a sign that read; "Take what you want, but not more than you need Halloween is for sharing with no room for greed."
After the festivities were over, we made our way to the porch to survey the damage. Much to my surprise, only about 1/3 of the five bags of candy we purchased had been taken. What kind of morally responsible BS is this?!? Is it truly possible that the kids (or kid) in my neighborhood felt socially responsible? Could it be that they thought of their fellow NBA player look-a-likes and put the extra pieces back? Or, is it that we bought crappy candy and they raided the bowls for the chocolate stuff and left the rest behind?
Maybe it was the note. Perhaps my language was a bit too "uncool" for the intended audience. Below, I have introduced a few ideas for next year's candy note (feel free to add or email me with your own):
-Taylor Swift used to want this candy, but not any more....let's sell 1.2 million albums this week about it
-@takethisdamncandy #PLEASE (this one is my favorite so far)
-Candy App: Download as much candy as you like for free
-Truth is? (this is free candy)
-OMG!! This candy, is like, so like, free and stuff for realz
-Forward this candy to 8 friends in 2 hours and something AMAZING will happen on the fourth day
-Text Me...KK
- :)
-4 out of 5 Kardashians would like you to take this candy
-Your is not You're is not UR
-I'm Backwards Jeff and I approved this candy
-*(just a picture of candy taking picture of itself in bathroom mirror)* -with or without and of the following; puckered lips, reverse peace sign, underdrawers showing, gang sign, abs, fake tatt, tilted head, hip-hop hat, spray on tan, distorted face (with phone app), extended arm, cleavage, better looking friend, exotic pet, feet on the beach, some words about your bff or favorite song, etc
Maybe the best idea is to just leave my contact information asking for trick-or-treaters to text or tweet me with their request. In return, I will reply with a picture of the candy that you aren't getting. >:(
Anyhoo.....that is just one guy's take on it.....reporting live for backwards jeff's blog, this is backwards jeff
Copyright J.C. Gardiner 10/31/2012
backwardsjeff@gmail.com
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Twitter - @BackwardsJeff
Twitter #2 - DearCrabby (aka @JeffroGardiner)
A) 'Large Marge' was awesome.
ReplyDeleteB) Isn't it kind of hypocritical to bitch that kids don't put enough effort into Halloween and then stick a note and a basket of candy on your porch?