Newly Discovered Phobias

My fears of heights and flying are fairly well chronicled. Most of the undiagnosed anxiety issues I suffer from, however, are not. That being said, this post is meant to entertain and not intended to make light of real fears.

So grab your teddy bear, or your lucky rabbit's foot, and have your mommy look under your bed as I reveal a list of newly discovered things to be concerned about.
The list is not all inclusive.  I'm certain that many more pages could be filled. Regrettably someone else was in need of the computer.....so I published.

If you take nothing else away from this post at least check out the link to Pillsbury's web site at the very end....in a word ......awesomeness.  

There are some fairly simple phobias that don't require much explanation:

Kobia - Fear of arrogant, pompous ass NBA stars who cheat on their wives.

Afrobia - Fear of crazy cool hair like, Joy of Painting's, Bob Ross.

Earlobeia - Fear of Mike Tyson's teeth. (sometimes called VanGoghbia)

Strobia - Fear of rapidly flashing lights and/or RAVE parties.

Rowrowrowbia - Fear of crappy old nursery rhymes.

Heigh-hobia - Fear of going off to work.

Adobia - Fear of PDF files.

GoldenGlobia - Fear of Hollywood hyped award ceremonies.

Sayitain'tsobia - Fear of music by Weezer .

Nairobia - Fear of the capital of Kenya.

Michelangelobia - Fear of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles....in particular the one known as a "party dude."

Mobia - Fear of Captain Ahab (known in some parts of the world as Thar'sheblowbia).

Flowbeea - Fear of vacuum attached hair trimming accessories....as seen on TV.

Some phobias even sound very similar in nature, but certainly are not:.

Rastaphobia - Fear of Jamaicans, steel drums, tie dye, and Bob Marley.

Pastaphobia - Fear of spaghetti, linguini, bow ties, al dente etc.

Rastapastaphobia - Come on....did you really think there was such a thing as rastapastaphobia?!?

Infobia - Fear of dialing 411.

Nymphobia - I'm not going to explain this one....if you don't know "google" it (with your parents permission).

There are more complex phobias that are, at times, confused with the more widely recognized and accepted phobias. For example:

Claustrophobia is well known as the fear of small or confined spaces. SantaClaustrophobia is something entirely different and usually is referred to by it's other name....which I cover later in this post.

Myrmecophobia, the fear of ants, is sometimes mistaken for fear of my mom's sister, crazyauntfranobia.

Astraphobia, the fear of thunder and lightning has, on occasion, been erroneously called Astrophobia, which would be the fear of George Jetson's dog (aka Rastrophobia).

Selacophobia is the fear of sharks, but in France this is better known as JacquesCousteaubia.

Agoraphobia, the fear of open spaces or of being in crowds, is pretty common.  While AlGoreaphobia, or the fear of politicians who claim to have invented the internet, is not as well known. In addition, TipperGoreaphobia, is close in nature to AlGoreaphobia, but deals primarily in the censorship of music and parental advisory labels.  Dee Snider of Twisted Sister and Jello Biafra, former front man of the Dead Kennedys, are known to have suffered from TipperGoreaphobia.

Ophidiophobia is the fear of snakes, but sounds a lot like Oldvideophobia, which would be the fear of bad 80's music videos on MTV like Turning Japanese by The Vapors

Trypanophobia is the fear of injections. Tryptophanophobia is the fear of Thanksgiving Dinner.

Arachnephobia, of course, is the fear of spiders. Which closely matches the name most frequently associated with the fear of male chauvinists who don't know how to compliment a woman, NiceRacknephobia.

Finally I present to you a few phobias that, some might say are borderline absurd. These will likely result in a lot of head shaking on the part of my mother and father (this is where I shine):

Cooliobia - Fear of a slide slide slippity-slide with switches on the block in a '65.

TimTebowbia - Fear of the media exploiting a news story and beating it into the ground.

LetitsnowLetitsnowLetitsnowbia - Fear of Christmas carols.

HomeDepotbia - Fear of doing it yourself.

DrivingTooSlowbia - Fear of getting stuck behind church, or Golden Corral, traffic.

EdgarAllenPoebia - Fear of nevermore. (Quoth the Raven)

Don't-tase-me-brobia - Fear of electric shock at the hands of The University of Florida Police (particularly during political speaking engagements).

InspectorClouseaubia - Fear of the Pink Panther.

It'stheendoftheworldasweknowbia - Fear of REM songs - for most people, although afflicted with this condition, you feel fine.

LakeOkeechobeea - Fears of large Floridian bodies of water.

HoHoHobia - Fear of Santa Claus (told you it had a different name).....also may be applicable to the Jolly Green Giant of vegetable fame.

Two-turn-tables-and-a-microphobia - Fear of where its at!!!

LarryCurlyandMoebia - Fear of stooges.

Did-you-ever-know-that-you're-my-herobia - Fear of wind beneath your wings.....and Bette Midler.

Qdobia - Fear of burritos made "Subway Style."  In downtown Cincinnati this may also be referred to as BurritoJoebia (that one's for my wife...Dawn Marie).

Analprobia - Fear of abduction and "inspection" by aliens.

Cameltoebia -Fear of pants that are too snug in the "midsection."

She-hit-the-flo'bia - Fear of "Shorty Gettin' Low."(bia)

Pillsburydoughbia - Fear of iconic advertising mascots. Dancing Doughboy....Seriously....Click Here

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Copyright J.C. Gardiner 2/26/2012 

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